I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
