she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
