What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have started to decorate penises.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
