Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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