It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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