fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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