It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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