So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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