if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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