I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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