I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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