Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found your dick twin last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
