It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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