Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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