dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
