Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
