I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
