Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
