I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
