the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
