I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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