I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
