she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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