I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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