i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
tell me about the fingering
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