duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
