I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
