i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
