I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
