I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
