Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
