Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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