we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
