I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
