i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
