Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
