I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just high enough for therapy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
