At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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