sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
