She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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