some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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