i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i came on her dog
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
