gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
