Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
