kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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