Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
