I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
