I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
