she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found the puke drawer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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