Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
