She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
