oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need water and some morals
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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